Gbazz

Awesome hotel room

You know how hotel beds always have those smooooooth, comfortable sheets on them? Ever wondered why hotel linen is just so gosh-darned awesome?

It’s because it’s been washed a bajillion times by the laundry elves in the hotels basement. Do you know why they’ve washed those sheets so many times? It’s because a few thousand people have used those sheets before you.

Your sheets are comfortable because of all that sweat, drool, blood and jizz that’s been rubbed onto those sheets.

Isn’t that great?!

The Nasty Keyboard of No-Self-Respect (not actually my keyboard)

Humans are born with the desire to try everything, at least once. However, over the years, bad experiences and our parents telling us “No! Don’t do that!” causes us to gradually develop a little voice inside our heads that says “Maybe that isn’t such a hot idea…” Which is why we have it good, because these days we have the whole internet at the tips of our fingers, full of videos of people doing stupid things. That little voice keeps us from trying out Ninja Parkour without practicing does a pretty good job of keeping us safe…most of the time.

I’m not sure exactly what train of thought brought me there, but last night I remembered reading this XKCD strip and thinking “Gross! I’d never try that!”

And I didn’t. Not for a whole day.

Last night I made the mistake of lifting my keyboard above my desk, turning it upside down and shaking it. It was gross. There were little black bits and little red bits and grey bits that looked slightly alive.

Luckily, my inner voice stopped me from shaking the keyboard above my face,otherwise I’d probably be dead from some kind of poisoning. You’d probably like that, you sick bastards.

Let this be a warning to you: Do not turn your keyboard upside down and shake it over your face, okay? Don’t! It’s not sensible. It’s really not a good idea.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.